Spread of Doom

Students, grad students, junior faculty – I think we’re all known to have absurd eating habits. Some of us eat nothing but crap, some of us eat once a day. We justify this to ourselves by maintaining that we have no time, we have no money. We eat and live hand to mouth. Hey, I tow the party line. There is a new item on my shelf that I found at the store that fits right into the category of grad student crap.

Biscoff Spread.  First, you may find Biscoff cookies familiar if you’ve taken an airplane in the last five years. They go pretty well with airline coffee.  So, seeing this name in the store, I bought this jar of peanut-butter-looking spread and took it home. I set it on the table and stared at it for a little while, which of course then fascinated my cat, so he stared for a while too (perhaps I was expecting it to sing, or reveal its mysteries to me).

Having read the jar, Biscoff is a Belgian product. Now, I begin to think about non-American spreads.  Nutella – rocked my world when I was 16 and en France for the first time.  Marmite rocked something and it wasn’t my taste buds.

Finally, I twist the thing open and get a spoon. Viscous crack, the spread has the consistency of peanut butter (capriciously advertised so for Americans), tastes exactly like the airline cookie and is apparently made of the cookies.  Now, the logic game begins. Well, it looks like peanut butter. “They” say peanut butter is somewhat healthy – protein or something. This will not, then, instantly turn my ass into a helipad.  Run, don’t walk, out today and get yours.

** Trader Joe’s has made a rival spread – apparently made of the more sugar-filled American variety of cookie, crumbs present and all.  Aren’t we so industrious.

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About ChrisB

Sinner is a humanities doctoral student in a large, overbearing city who should be writing his dissertation, or grading 90 papers, or grading 90 essays, or meeting with students, or reading productively, or reflecting diligently on productive reading. He finds the world complex yet in no way mysterious. He wishes people learned what came before so what comes now would be less baffling and more apparent. He is disgruntled, tired, enthusiastic, dedicated. In a word: he's an academic puppy. View all posts by ChrisB

2 responses to “Spread of Doom

  • universityoflies

    HA so timely. I am just reaching for my own jar of nutella. I’ve got nothing to eat it with but a spoon. hasn’t stopped me before though..

  • dailychicana

    My boyfriend loves the cookies, so I knew the spread would blow his mind. I just bought a jar of the crunchy version at Cost Plus…now I’m addicted, too. I’m gonna need one of those treadmill desks in my office now…

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